Wow, its been a really long time since my last post...my child has been growing like a weed!!! A couple of weeks ago he started to crawl, pull himself to standing and cut a tooth...all within one week!!! Lets slow it down, kid!!! Its amazing to see this little person that I carried inside me just 8 short months ago grow from a helpless baby to a more independent child with his own little personality! God is so good! Uh oh, I'm already rambling, okay, on to the blog:
I am reading a book right now called "Every Woman's Marriage" and the author said something very interesting: YOU am the common denominator in all of your relationships!!! How profound!!! So often, I think people write other people off in their lives (whether that be friends, spouses or a family member) because they get their feelings hurt or they just don't feel a connection anymore!!! But later down the road, it happens with the next friend, and the next and the next. That is when you need to stop and think: maybe everyone else isn't the problem, maybe the problem is ME and my bad attitude!!!
I have noticed recently that everytime I get on facebook, I find myself angry...all I see are people complaining about how awful their lives are; How their baby won't let them sleep just one more hour (first, you chose to have a child, and second, there are so many people who can't have children, parenthood is a blessing so what if you lose some sleep?) how they hate their jobs (look how many people can't find one in this economy), how they need to lose just a few more pounds or they have bad friends who dont care enough to call more frequently...I could go on and on...the point is that we all get upset at one time or another about little things in our lives, but we should realize how petty they are before we go complaining that our entire life is a disaster!!!
And I, by no means am excluding myself from the pettiness...I know I struggle with the post-baby body image stuff but in the grand scheme of things, I know I have done an amazing thing...I have carried life inside my body...with all the stuff we went through to get him here and keep him healthy, do the size of my pants really matter??? I get frustrated with my job but I literally have to tell myself sometimes "you should be so thankful you have a job...you may be cleaning up vomit right now and feel like you have a thankless job...but it matters to someone and if not to an earthly someone, it matters to God!!!"
Many of you who know me know that I can be a control freak at times (one of my many flaws). I like predictability, which I have learned is an impossibility when you have a child...nothing ever goes according to plan. I am no longer early wherever I go, my hair/makeup isn't fixed just right, Caden is never wearing shoes (wont keep them on!) and when he has a runny nose, his face is not going to be completely clean!, etc. So, frequently I find myself reacting to situations in ways I wish I hadn't...I let my emotions get the best of me and don't think before I speak! But, constantly complaining and having a bad attitude doesn't make my situation any better. In fact, it often makes it much worse and makes people around me miserable...it is true that misery loves company!!! What I have learned is that the one thing I can control in my life is my attitude. I can choose to react with a negative attitude when a situation doesn't go as planned and ruin my day and the day of those I love (which I frequently still find myself doing) or I can react with a positive attitude and make the best of my circumstance!
When Caden had his surgery, I was beside myself with fear, but I had to choose to have faith in God that he had a plan and Caden was going to be alright. As a nurse, I poke and prode at people's children/spouses/parents all day. Watching it happen to my own sweet child and being completely helpless gave me a new perspective on both my career and my life!!! I had no choice but to trust in God, and put on a good attitude! Because if I had a bad one, I would have lost it completely! Now, that isn't to say I wasn't scared to death, but I think that is okay! It is okay to be scared or angry at times, and to even vent about those emotions occasionally...we are all human. It isn't okay to dwell on it and let those emotions control you!
I am learning just like all of you that life is messy, times are hard and I can't always have my way! But in spite of all the storms in my life I am choosing to look to God to get me through them with the best attitude I can muster up and continue to try and see the light at the end of the tunnel because even though things are really bad sometimes...I have SO MUCH to be thankful for!!!
Sunday, May 29, 2011
MARRIAGE TRUTHS
Travis and I are celebrating 5 years of marriage this Friday. I can’t believe it! This may not seem like much of an accomplishment to many of you but to us this is HUG E to us! Mostly because we almost didn’t make it here. Several years ago I would be afraid to make that statement for fear of what others may think of me, but I am not afraid to admit now that I am flawed! No one is perfect and shame on you if you judge me!
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| Our Wedding Day, June 3, 2006 |
The truth is that marriage is hard and it takes a lot of work from both parties! Change is good…but change is also very difficult! Several years ago, I had finally graduated college, but Travis had suddenly become unemployed, I took a job in Macon
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| 1 year anniversary pix in Swainsboro, courtesy of Brooke Turner, 2007 |
Honestly, there will be times when you aren’t happy and you don’t feel that “spark” but you have to realize if that is all there was to love then no one would ever be in a relationship for any amount of time b/c eventually those butterflies fade and you are faced to see past the façade and see the real person for who they truly are. Hopefully, you have built a relationship of love and respect with them from the start and the amazing times you have with that person will outweigh the few bad times.
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| Right before we left for Hawaii, 2008 |
I think many people go from one relationship to another getting “high” off the “newness”…when that wears off…they think they aren’t “in love” with that person and they move onto the next person that makes them feel it. The thing is that love is truly not a feeling at all…Love is a choice!!! I choose to love my husband even when he drives me crazy and I don’t feel like I like him. I know I act like a crazy, hormonal woman sometimes and he doesn’t feel loving towards me, but he chooses to love me anyway. That is what marriage is all about…choosing to look past flaws and choosing your battles…a little give and take.
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| Anniversary dinner in Macon, 2009 |
By no means to have we had the perfect marriage. I still blow up when clothes are left on the floor and he still fusses when I nag him but I know that we are in such an amazing place. We have just come so far! With the overwhelming support from our families and God by our side guiding us, we have built an amazing bond and repaired a lot of damage…rebuilt our foundation and I can truly say from the bottom of my heart that I love him more now than the day we married…
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| Anniversary dinner in SAV while I was preggo with Caden, 2010 |
I am so incredibly blessed to have such a sweet, caring, thoughtful husband who is such a great example for our son. I see other women who are with these men who could truly care less about their role as a father…that leave their wives to go out with the guys all the time…I have been so incredibly lucky! My husband helps out around the house, watches the baby when I’m at work or don’t feel well, takes care of me and works hard to provide for us. When I watch him talk to and play with Caden it just amazes me…he is SUCH a great father and you can see him light up with him! Makes my heart melt…
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| 5 Years of Marriage, Us with our sweet little boy, 2011 |
God truly knew what he was doing when he created you for me, baby…I love you with all my heart…sorry I blogged on you, but I have to brag because you truly are THE BEST husband for me!!!
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Motherly Love
As I have just celebrated my very first Mother's Day, I feel it is only fitting to write a blog about one of my most important roles in my life...being a mom!!! I remember as a little girl, when everyone else was dreaming of becoming astronauts and cowboys, I was dreaming of becoming a wife and mommy...I think it stems from my own mother who made a career out of being a wife and mother and did it so very well!!! Even though I chose to get a degree, I find no other job I do as important, has difficult or as rewarding than being a mother!
So, in honor of this special day, I will tell you the story of Caden:
When Travis and I discussed the possibility of adding to our family, we decided we wanted it to be stress free so we agreed to not track ovulation at all and just let it happen when it was supposed to. We figured that way, it would probably take a while anyway. To our surprise, when I ended up in the ER at work on New Year's Eve 2009 for what I thought was appendicitis, I was actually pregnant and my body knew way too early (right at 4 weeks to be exact). I was in disbelief...I went home and took several pregnancy tests just to be sure they were right ; )
We had to tell our parents but we stopped at Nat and Dan's first and I couldn't hold it in...I showed her a stick...she screamed..."I knew it!!! Zeke is going to have a little cousin!!!". We told my mom and dad at their house by giving them the willow tree "grandmother"...before they even opened it they asked if we were pregnant b/c we were giving them an unexpected gift. We then met the Kreun's at Ruby Tuesday's in Statesboro and gave them the same gift...I remember Mrs. Cathy screaming in the restaraunt...and then explaining it to Mr. Warren, just in case he didn't understand...haha...
We included our family in the 3D/4D ultrasound, which was amazing...my parents and sis were a part of the one where we did gender determination at 17 weeks and Caden was in position to proudly show everyone he was all boy!!! I looked over at Travis tearing up...my heart just melted ; ) I was already in love. That weekend, we went to Atlanta to register and I REALLY felt him kick for the first time...I had felt some flutters on and off for a couple of weeks but I was sure this was him moving...and Travis felt it too...it was such and incredible feeling...to feel life literally inside of me!
Travis and I both worked nights in Warner Robins and we spent weeks trying to come up with a baby boy name. We would go to WalMart at midnight to shop b/c no one was there and one night we found the name "Caden" in a baby book. It was Welsh and it meant "Spirit of Battle"...we both loved it instantly...we put up a poll online for our friends and family and everyone else loved it to. It was settled! 
Towards the end of my pregnancy, I really felt like I was learning Caden...he would turn over in my belly and you could just see his little cramped body move from one side to the other...he would stretch one foot out and it would visibly stick out of the side of my stomach...I could press on it and he would move it back in (something he did frequently as a newborn too). Travis would play Mozart on my belly and Caden would kick. 
And oh, how precious was the day he was born! When they placed that sweet bundle of joy on my chest after all that labor I was instantly in love! He was so tiny and precious. I have such precious memories of those first few weeks...as hard as they were (with the lack of sleep, jaundice, frequent trips to the dr., refusal to breastfeed, and all the adjustments) the simple things would just amaze me: how sweet he was when he fell asleep on your chest, how precious Travis was with him (he is such a GREAT dad!), how he managed to pee out of every diaper for weeks! 
And after many, many weeks of doing nothing but eating, sleeping, pooping, and crying...he finally gave us that precious smile and suddenly everything was SO worth it!!! And he hasn't slowed down yet...as sad as I am to see him growing way too fast, every new thing he learns excites me! All of his firsts so far: first feeding of solid food, sitting up by himself, feeding himself for the first time, first time crawling and pulling up!!! He is getting to be such a big boy ; )
It is truly the biggest, greatest blessing to be his mother! Not that there aren't times that I get frustrated or need a break. But it has truly been the most amazing thing to be a mom! It is scarey, too b/c it is such a HUGE responsibility...I know that he is depending on me forever now. There isn't a moment in my day that I am not thinking about how he is or what he is doing or if he is okay when I'm not with him...
The funny thing is that I think becoming a mother has helped me grow into a better person, as well...I have learned that life is not perfect, things dont always go as planned, its okay to get a little messy and miss a few deadlines and my house is not always spic and span but I don't care!!! I have a little boy who adores me and looks up to me and I want him to grow up learning from a good example ; ) I hope he always knows how special he is to me and how much I love him!
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