Weighty Issues

I don't know what it is about being a woman that makes us so insecure!!! I have spent my whole life obsessing over the most stupid and vain things!!! Like many of you already know, with my recent health scare I have looked at things so differently and I do realize how ridiculous it is to be so concerned about something so stupid as my looks b/c they ultimately dont matter but that doesn't stop me from doing it!!!

I have always been so worried about my looks and weight, even though I've never really been overweight. I mean, I thought I was too big when I was 118 lbs and getting married!!! Its just something we do...and with all the things we grow up around, why wouldnt we? Barbie is perfect, the girls on tv and in magazines are perfect...where are all the NORMAL women???

After we have children, our bodies just go through so much! I can't wear my pre-pregnancy clothes even though I'm the same "weight" I was before I had Caden simply because my body is shaped completely different!!! I don't know why the number on the scale or on my tags bother me so dang much! And I have seen this with so many of my friends, so I know it isn't just me!

Even though I do not have stretch marks from pregnancy, I know several people that do and freak out about them...I recently read an article talking about how each line represents a wonderful memory...a first kick, a toss or tumble, waving at you on the ultrasound, so much time that little angel spent in your belly and it was his/her home...so it isn't perfect but each line means something and I just kept thinking how cool it would be if we all looked at it that way!!!

My hope is that I can continue working on getting over all this weight/looks crap b/c in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter...I should focus on being healthy and happy with what God gave me...we were all made different for a reason. Especially if I ever have a baby girl because I want her to grow up with good self esteem and know that its okay to be you! Your imperfections are what make you unique!!!

I am not supermodel skinny nor do I have a crystal clear complexion and sparkling white teeth with pantene pro-v model hair...but I am Caden's mommy, Travis' wife and I am beautiful to them and perfect in God's eyes!!!

One of my favorite songs:

Beautiful
Bethany Dillon

I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life

[Chorus]
I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory

[Chorus]

You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful